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Don't you hate it when . . .

Clementine
Posts
Joined: Apr 2010
Don't you hate it when you're so out of shape you could swear your underpants are on backwards so you take them off to do a switcheroo only to find out that no, sorry lady.  Nice try., but  it's  *not*  the garment it's your a**.    That just happened to me.
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Fifi
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Joined: Apr 2010
There's out of shape (you're still lookin' fine to me!) and there's WAY out of shape...that would be me!  Another part of life and that's the way it is, up to me to change it!  I spose I could say "time to get my rear in gear!"  LOL
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eryn
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Joined: Apr 2010
or they just don't fit anymore and you tear the tags out so you don't have to cry every time you put something on.
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justpattyanne
1059 Posts
Joined: Apr 2010
With the way gravity is working on me, I'm beginning to believe that the back of my undies are going to need underwires!
      
"Do or Do not.
There is no try."
~Yoda~

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OrianaVianey
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Joined: Apr 2010
I just don't bother using underwear anymore... LOL
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
Underwires for the bum.    You should make a prototype and patent that idea.
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aevans96
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Joined: Apr 2010
I can't relate. I don't have a bum to speak of. My back just keeps on going and there happens to be a crack in it lol.
I know what your thinking, wish I didn't. But then you would have the unfortunate problem of your undies hanging down to the middle of your leg. and swimsuit bottoms do not fit at all!
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
That's funny.    Well if you win the lottery you can go have bust., I mean butt implants.
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Posts
Joined:
My tushie definitely fills my knickers! As my kids say, it's big enough to have it's own congressman....

*lol*
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Lisadee
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Joined: Jun 2010
My computer chair acts kind of like an underwire I guess ... It certainly keeps my rather large butt up !!!!!
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eryn
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Joined: Apr 2010
hahahaha!! love it!
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ArmyGrl
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Joined: Apr 2010


Here ya go ladies...padded underwear for butt enhancement!

I think you might be sucessful with the underwire underwear---give that extra boost to the butt.

Hee, hee, hee this topic reminds me of a very special lady I went to Iraq went---she had her 50th birthday out there---she said that she was getting old and flabby; and eveything, including her butt was just flappin in the wind.  Now I forver have this image of flabby butt cheeks flappin' in the wind.
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
Ha ha that's funny Lisa.     Did you go to Iraq??   On vacation?   or with the military?  

My mom used to call my step dad   Satchel Ass.    Gosh what a funny thing to call someone.    I should have paid more attention.   I wonder if his butt hung down like a leather bag.. hence the name.     

(i deleted the next paragraph so sawly,,. i need to be more careful what I blurt out
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naughtsncrosses
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Joined: Apr 2010
Well, Clem, I hope you had a double-scoop.  That would have been traumatic for you, to say the very least.

When I was pregnant (with my one and only child, who will be seven in September) I read a book by a brilliant writer/comedienne Kaz Cooke, called Up the Duff.  She calls pregnancy undies "stingray catchers" because of the size of them.
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eryn
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Joined: Apr 2010
I hope the coffee was good Clementine. hugs
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
Whoopsie Edeena.,  i sure didn't need to blurt that out.   But I will say., if a person goes through one crap field after another starting from childhood they begin to be able to view crap fields as if sitting in a tree looking down.    I'm good at it.

Oh and yes.. coffee good.   A lot of times my coffee would be considered a Coffee Float.   or a coffee sundae.     I think I'll put my stingray catcher on and start the day right!
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ScrapsandSass
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Joined: Jul 2010
You guys are too funny.  

I have no comment on the state of my unfortunate back area.  LOL.  Although I did have an issue with my underwear falling down inside my jeans when I was at the store the other day.  What is that about?
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LauraPM
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Joined: Jul 2010
I wear the it-se-bitsys.  Yes they come in XL!  They are really really stretchy and hug your but no matter the size. lol!
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
Your underwear was falling down inside your jeans?       ha ha.    Just be glad you had jeans on and not a skirt.     I had a near disaster one time at a bank.. that I don't even know if I should talk about in public.     I won't right now but I'll tell you about my moms freind.    My mom had a freind who was always drunk.   Mom told me funny things about her.. like she would pee behind cars downtown..   after being in a bar.    That's ok.  I don't fault her for that though.  It was probably after dark.   I'd do it.   When you gotta go . you gotta go.   But one time when she wasn't even drunk this lady was walking down the sidewalk with my mom in downtown Boise Idaho in broad daylight when her underpants slipped down to her ankles (she had a dress on)   Mom said she didn't even miss a beat... she just stepped out of them and kept walking.    Can you imagine what someone must have thought when they came across those underpants laying on the sidewalk downtown?
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Fifi
Posts
Joined: Apr 2010
Your underwear was falling down inside your jeans?       ha ha.    Just be glad you had jeans on and not a skirt.     I had a near disaster one time at a bank.. that I don't even know if I should talk about in public.     I won't right now but I'll tell you about my moms freind.    My mom had a freind who was always drunk.   Mom told me funny things about her.. like she would pee behind cars downtown..   after being in a bar.    That's ok.  I don't fault her for that though.  It was probably after dark.   I'd do it.   When you gotta go . you gotta go.   But one time when she wasn't even drunk this lady was walking down the sidewalk with my mom in downtown Boise Idaho in broad daylight when her underpants slipped down to her ankles (she had a dress on)   Mom said she didn't even miss a beat... she just stepped out of them and kept walking.    Can you imagine what someone must have thought when they came across those underpants laying on the sidewalk downtown?


You are the queen of storytelling, I imagine there's a lot of us just waiting for the next chapter!  I mean that in  a good way.  You always perk up my day or night, pictures, stories, whatevah!
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orachel
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Joined: Apr 2010
Underwire for the bum...hmmm...now would that enhance or detract from my newly aquired 'she beeps when she backs up' factor? Cause underwire on the chest definitely amplifies schtuff and generally keeps it where it belongs. I need ZERO heiny amplification, so perhaps that underwire idea not so good for moi.

And CRACKING UP about walking out of panties...sounds like the perfect solution to me! Sometimes stuff just HAPPENS to you in public and you're stuck dealing with it, much to your chagrin.

I was about 27 and driving down this HUGE like 14 lane highway in tampa called Dale Mabry in this cute little red convertible. Feeling perty danged full of myself, actually. Suddenly my cigarette whipped out of my fingers and fell DOWN my skimpy tanktop. Ow ow ow ow ow!!! I'm trying to drive, getting the tar burned out of my breastises, screaming, weaving, and madly flapping my tanktop to try to dislodge the cig...Ever so beautifully flashing the 10 million or so people watching in horrified laughter. Well, 10 million might be an exaggeration...maybe i only flashed 5 million or so. But dang...what else can you do when your boobs are on FIRE? rofl God...i've got the 'waves of shame' rolling over me just telling the story. It was baaaad.
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orachel
Posts
Joined: Apr 2010
Oh yes..forgot to mention...tight tank, so no bra. Sigh. They're probably still talking about it, though i'm guessing it was more like watching an oncoming trainwreck than titillating in any way. rofl. bad choice of words. totally unintentional.
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
      ah ha.   that is funny.    only because you survived of course.     My ex husband got a bee caught in his hair whilst riding on  a highway on a motorcycle.    He was a california hippie with BIG hair in those days.    The bee was probably buried deeply in the forest of his head.    He said it was unnerving because he could hear it wildly buzzing and couldn't do a dang thing about it until he pulled over. .    You know,.  I bet insects and cigarettes are the cause of many fatal road accidents.  

I've had a couple embarrassing things happen to me long ago .,  that i STILL have not been able to find humor in.   Finding humor in life experiences is actually pretty easy for me .. so you *know*  these embarrassing things must be horrifying.    Tell us Auntie Clem!   tell us!    Maybe WE would find it funny even if YOU don't!.     Yes.  I suppose I could take a chance and tell you..  but nope.  I already am certain a hush would come over the crowd.   You'd be speechless and you'd wish I would have kept my big mouth shut.    

Titilating??     bad girl  bad bad girl.
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Posts
Joined:
OMG Clementine!!  I am laughing my face off!  I love the image of your Mom's friend walking right out of her panties in downtown Boise!!!!  She sounds like a HOOT!  Thanks for the laugh :)  LOVE that!

Hmmm, why don't my panties ever spontaneously fall down?  They should be - I'm only 112 pounds!!  I'll see if I can get them to do that tonight while out with my dogs :)  hahahaha!!!

Please tell us more, Clementine :
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Clementine
Posts
Joined: Apr 2010
hi lisah.    yes i heard that story from my mom many years ago and i still get a kick out of the image it brings to mind.   i am up to my eyeballs in grandchildren for a little while.    it's summer!!     i do love it when they come over.   i guess what i love the most about it is they ask to come and  stay with me.  they get excited at the prospect.  boy,.,  i take that as the best compliment ever.
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sherrieJD
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Joined: Apr 2010
omygosh! i just about spit my diet coke eveywhere. you ladies crack me up.
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
Wow the baby is still sleeping.,   can't believe my luck.   i might have a few minutes to type!
i was thinking lisah..  that the reason your underpants don't fall off is because they probably actually fit you.    falling underpants are certainly the result of not throwing old ones away.   you know.. the ones you wore when you were pregnant.    or the granny panties that you can't bring yourself to throw away.   full of holes.. elastic long gone.   throw them away!!   i didn't and boy did i learn my lesson............
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
i was in the bank..  uh oh.. baby waking up.    bye,. later gators.
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KimberlyRae
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Joined: Jul 2010
well, NEXT time Make Sure it's NOT your skinny sisters jeans by accident!! [grin]
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Clementine
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Joined: Apr 2010
False alarm.  baby still sleeping.  whew that was close.     have you ever noticed how people who don't have kids know so much about how they will raise their kids until they actually have those kids?   it's so funny.    i have to laugh at my son and daughter in law.   they are awesome parents.  some of the best in the world in my book.   but before they had this baby i heard them say how the baby was going to fit into THEIR world not the other way around.   the baby would get used to THEIR noises.  it would sleep through it.  
oh yes.,  they would talk normally.  they would clang the pots and pans..  house parties would rage on.   .and the miracle baby would sleep through it all.   

WEll..   i must say the human adults need for sleep sure changes people.   And it doesn't take long at all for a new parent to realize that EVERYTHING has changed.   nothing gets done unless the baby is asleep.   Therefore....not a peep.   do not make a PEEP.   anyone!!   we will kill you!   if you wake this baby up you will die.   this baby will be YOUR baby if you wake it up.    The look of fear ,  panic and utter horror that crosses their faces when someone approaches their domain and the baby is asleep.   it's funny.
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